a laal bit of crack fra westmorland
a sunday stroll
sunday morning ,twelve o clock .
ont back doer, a bloody greet knock .
"ista comin owt fer a bit crack ?"
"thowt we'd walk doont beck n back."
so bill and fred went owt fert walk.
couple a miles via't pubs a course
gannin theer wasnt se bad
but comin back ,o my god !
owert fields an in awt ditches,
caked in mud and rips int britches ,
stackerin yam nearly fower,
old lass waitin ahind front doer,
bills wife theer widt rollin pin ,
"wheret bloody hell does ta think thoose bin?"
"av nobbut had a couple a stouts "
"an yan er teur whiskies ta help em out!"
freds wifes ont phone 't' mother,
upta now shes had nay bother,
"ees bin tat pub an nobbut just come back"
"noo he's liggin ootside ,kessed on his back"
"a tell a lie, noo ees on his knees!"
"doors wide open,but ees lookin fer his keys!!"
"i thowt as much ,when e took this lang
"that greyhound beers far ower strang"
"oh bugger it ees comin in"
"ahl afta ga ,afore e falls int bin"
"ower late,! ees ligged ont flewer "
"what a scrow ,rubbish all ower".
old lasses help inta bed ,
sunday roasts cold ,but dogs well fed !!
a note to all dialect enthusiasts out there ,this isnt meant to be true dialect ,just a sample of life in shap , to anybody visiting shap expect to hear something like it from the locals .. yours shaplad
A SUNDAY CYCLE
bill and fred are out again ,
sunday morning just past ten.
no pubs int village they've bin telt ,
not less they they want another belt.
ter next village five mile downhill ,
off ont bikes head fred n bill.
gannon ower fast fred loses his hat ,
and bill gars fleein through an open yat,
fred recovers from his mishap,
and finds bill liggin in a cow clap,
leavint bikes theer all twisted and bent,
off down't lonnin tat pub they went.
they get tat pub n order two pints a beer,
but landlady sez "thoose not comin in ere",
"tha stinks ta high heaven and tha's covered in clart",
"ive smelt better things at tauction mart",
"get theesels yam and get cleaned up",
"then mebbe i'll let ya come back and sup",
so off they trudge five mile uphill,
another bad day for fred and bill.
more from bill and fred in the near future ( these two bear no resemblance,and are not based on anyone in shap ,honest !!! )
a lakeland lament
the following poem was written during the foot and mouth crisis of 2001,and might give you an insight into what it was like living amongst it .
A shepherd stands ,crook in hand,
gazing down ,on windswept land ,
a furrowed brow ,on weathered face ,
contemplates, this national disgrace.
the fields are hushed, and empty now,
no bleat of sheep, or bellow of cow ,
no lambs crying out ,for their attentive mothers ,
or frolicking in meadows ,with sisters and brothers.
The shepherds gaze, turns to the village below,
down in the valley ,almost hidden from show,
the pubs lie empty ,for money is tight ,
hotels too ,not a tourist in sight;
,the shops tick over ,for people must eat ,
and on the street corners ,old farmers still meet ,
the talk is the same ,of times past ,
and how much longer, farming can last.
A lifetimes work ,of blood sweat and tears ,
gone in an instant,left with just fears ,
what happens now ? the futures uncertain,
for many its surely ,the final curtain,
farms handed down, from father to son ,
not any more ,the farms are all gone,
can't diversify ,on barren fell ,
where grass does grow,but not very well,
not here your crops ,of veg and wheat,
where the summer sun ,gives little heat,
and winters grip ,is like a vice,
two foot thick snow ,coated with ice,
the land recovers ,in time for spring,
but what kind of respite ,does that bring,
the land untended ,grows wild and free ,
a mass of heather,shrub, bush and tree,
and what of the walkers, with no footpaths to tread?
they have gone too ,now the countrysides dead .
j.lowis june 2001
fred's feeling sheepish
Bill goes to the pub,freds sat at the bar,
he says "thoose lookin a bit down .let me buy you a jar"
"we'll sit here and have a bit sup ",
"tell me whats wrong, and ,it'll mebbe cheer you up",
fred says "the wife's alluss moanin, she's a pain in the ass",
"keeps goin on and on ,bout cutting the grass",
"so i thowt ,'noo then i know what to jer !"
"and i went intat field, and fetched a sheep back for er"
"I said there thoo gars, it'll keept grass low "
"and fert it leaves, ull mek yer flewers grow"
"she said flowers, what flowers? it's eaten the lot !"
"and nowt bloody things started ont vegetable plot"
"so i chest it all ower,and got it up agint wall",
"just my luck,thats whent vicar decided to call"
"theres me ont ground, with a sheep in me arms "
and vicar stood theer ,thinkin i'm after it's charms!"
"So the vicars on brandy, and the wifes in a strop" ,
"and i've come down here, to have me a pop,"
the landlords so kind, he sed i cud have it for nowt ,
"and there's lamb stew ont menu and it's as good as owt !"
counting westmorland style
one - yan
five -pimp or pip
as you might see in the poems, when used together the words do change -as in - yan or teur meaning one or two rather than yan or tan . (it's not quite as bad as learning a foreign language ,but not far off !! )
a few words in westmerian
beck - stream
bowk- to retch
bray -to beat up
brossen full up
caked - covered
cald - cold
clart - muck
clemmy - stone
codge - to bodge
cowp -fall over
crack - to talk
crammle -climb over
cuddy - horse/donkey
deek - look
ditherin - taking your time
fash - worry
fettle - mend or health (as in ive fettled that -ive fixed it or what sek fettle ? -how are you)
flayte - scared
girt -great ,large
howk - pull
jer (as in to jer ) - do ( to do)
ken - know
kessed - fell over
kysyty - picky
laal - small /little
lake - play
hasta - have you
liggin - lying
lish - active
lonnin - lane
lowp - jump
mowdie - mole
nowt - nothing
ont - on the
ower - over
ower yonder -over there
owt - anything
pillock - idiot
reek - stink
rouked - pulled at
scran - eat,food
scrow - mess
sista - look
slape - slippery
slavver - foam ,talk rubbish
slother - froth
stackerin - staggering
styane - stone
theer - there
thrang - busy
tother - the other
varra - very
wilta - willyou
yam - home
yat - gate
yow - ewe,sheep
a couple of handy phrases to know when visiting shap -
noo then hows ta jern ?- now then how are you doing?
what sek fettle ta day ? ista all reet? - how are you today? are you keeping all right ?
ah wadn't gan int field ower yonder if i were yer ,towld yows al hav ya. - i would not go in that field over there if i was you because the sheep will have you.
tha gars doon theer ahind girt styane then upt lonnin tat left an crammle owert yat through awt clart an thool be a reet scrow be time thoo gets thee scran - basically this is some one sending you the wrong way when you have asked for directions to the nearest eating establishment ! (work it out for yourself)
bill n fred ont world cup
Bills on bitter ,freds on stout.
sat there talking about the world cup ,and englands chances to win,
Fred reckons nay chance ,bill reckons slim,
Fred says ,"ahl afta come tat pub an watch games wid thee",
"Cos if i stay at yam soaps an sek like are all i'll see",
Bill says "if we think aboot it,it l work out reet",
"free beer n' food ,it could be a good neet!"
"set off here ,it's free drink till first goals scored",
"then upt road to get some free food on board",
"then ont tat next pub ,it's half price for all thats in",
"then tat last un cos it's free pints if we win",
The further we get the better it'll be",
"more and more food,and beer for free!",
"so we'll ha t hope it doesn't go to a penalty shoot out"
"or like the team ,we'll end up wid nowt!"
fred n bill gar t tauction
ever since the sheep ,he's bin getting black looks,
he's talkin to bill,telling him his plight,
seeing if he's any ideas to make things right.
bill says "if she's still not happy about that sheep,
we'll ha t see ,if we can get a lawnmower cheap,
we'll gar t auction an see if theres owt theer,
and theres a pub next door,so we can have us a beer"
so off they go with a plan in mind ,
off to the auction to see what they can find,
They spy a qualcast gleaming bright,
fred says "its nearly new ,that'l do just right,
its number five hunnered ,so we've a few hours to kill,
so lets gar tat pub ,an have us our fill,"
four hours later and worse for wear,
fred staggers off and sez" i'll si thee there",
bill says "ok ,i'll see you next door
i'm going to sample ,just yan more,"
into the auction, fred stumbles and falls ,
bouncing off chairs ,tables and walls,
from all round the room ,he gets black looks,
so he settled himself down, behind some books
auctioneer says ,"lot 500 is up next then,
ive got five bid ,do i hear ten,?"
freds hand waves from where he's hid,
better not let em see its me who's bid,
auctioneer ,"ive ten by the books is there any more?,
going for ten ,now fifteen by the door",
fred bids twenty but still not enough ,
the bidder by the door is made of stern stuff,
freds judgement now clouded by the beer he's supped today,
decides there n then ,he's goin all the way,
"ninety five by the door ,do i hear a ton ?"
fred bids once more and the mower is won!
so off fred goes to pay for his wares,
where he bumps into bill at the botom of the stairs,
bil says "i thowt thood gon yam ,or back fer a beer ,
coz i looked all ower but couldn't see you in here,
i tried me best ,ta get thee that mower,
i came in late ,and stood by t dooer",
i tried me best ,but wasn't sure what to do,
some bugger kept bidding ,but i couldn't see who,
i went up ta ninety five ,but then had ta stop ,
i thowt ta mesel ,thoo can buy em cheaper in a shop !"
fred shrugged his shoulders and thought its another bad day,
so he picked up his trophy and they went on their way,
not quite as they planned ,but thats nothing new
nothing ever goes right whatever they do .
the janet tree
The following is a dialect poem about the janet tree- unfortunately i do not know who wrote it but i believe it was a native of bampton.
The janet tree
When tommy was a larle bit lad,
An used ter gang ter skeerl,
T'maister thout him varra mad
An nobbut but a feerl,
Fer tommy read o't beuks he cud,
Aboot o't fairies bad an good,
Aboot gert giants,an dogs that spak,
An he believed i' thinks like that,
Aboot a mermaid wi' a lang tiale,
Aboot jack an jill toomerlin we't piale,
Aboot a witch hevin a ride in't sky
Or a gert lang broomstick sailin by,
An he believed it was aw true
As oop ter manhood t'larle lad grew,
But spirits yet he'd niver seen
Unless he to the pub hed been!
On't road ter shap ther stans in't ditch,
A gert ash tre caw'd efter a witch,
Sum may not ken janet tree on't hill,
But yer mun leuk oot fer janet if yer will,
On a terble dark neet,tommy went hiam,
An mebbe he were tired or mebbe liame,
But he stoomeld aboot in't mud and t'ditch
Cos he'd bin varra dry and supp'd ower mitch,
All of a suddint,he hed sec a surprise.
Fer owert wa top he seed tweer gert eyes,
Luerking right at him an shinin seer bright
Oor tommy then got a terrible fright,
He thowt o' janet an thowt twas she,
Coom oot ter flay him -fer a spree,
Seer "janet",he cawd "er yer knitten yer stockin?"
"Or is it poor auld tommy yer mockin?"
But janet sed nowt,but glooered away,
An tossed her heid ,an didn't care,
An leuked hard at tommy as he stood theer
wishin he hedn't dunnk seer much beer!
But ter git right past fair bothered him,
His legs fair tremmelt,he shook i'every limb,
She'd sek a gert head leuking owert wartop,
It fair made his heart gang flipperty-flop,
"Noo lad yer mun be breav"he sez ter hissel,
"Or yer'll niver leeve this tiale ter tell"
"Gang up t'ot wa' an mak luv ter t'lass"
"An then yer'll mebbe nut want ter pass"
Seer ,brave -like ,tommy dithers oop ter t'war,
Gits hod on a stean, fear he might fa,
"Noo janet yer mun give us a kiss an a cuddle,"
But here poor tommy sat down in a puddle!,
For t'thing give a tremendous bellow,
Enough ter flay t'life oot ofa feller,
An't gert black heid was nut janet at aw -
But yan o' irving's bullocks leuking ower't wa !!.
It is recorded that about 1920 it was noticed that the janet tree was suffering from rapid decay and the vicar of bampton Rev G.E.F.Day contacted Mr M Sarginson chairman of shap urban council who agreed that another tree should be planted . As it was lowther estate land they were contacted and gladly gave two fine sycamore trees and left the planting to the two men .
With the aid of Mr James Ruddick of shap they planted the trees -Mr Day calling his "st george" and Mr Sarginson naming his "st michael" unfortunately Mr Sarginson died not long after as did his tree leaving only "st george" standing alone in the corner of the field .